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“The House Next Door: Meet the Blacks 2” is awful

This film comes across as a Kevin Hart haters' convention, to use a broad term. Mike Epps is hiding behind door number one.

This film comes across as a Kevin Hart haters’ convention, to use a broad term.
Mike Epps is hiding behind door number one.

He once said on social media with a photo of Samuel L. Jackson’s character in the film “Django,” “Why everybody don’t like me?” I’m expected to be liked by everyone. My handle is @kevinhart4real. I’m not a drug user. I never consumed alcoholic beverages. You’re not good enough, Katt and Mike. Please return to the field.”
The reference to Kevin Hart as a figurative House Slave, whom activist Malcolm X described as a sell-out Negro, was as hot as the sun that the “actual niggas” or Field Negroes (such as Epps and Katt Williams) have to bear on a daily basis while reportedly tilling the field.

Katt Williams, who has argued Hart is not humorous but rather a hopped-up joker, is behind door Number Two. “You had the opportunity!” Williams received a response from Hart. “You were the one!” exclaims the narrator. You were born to be the center of attention. You didn’t show up for your shift! You messed up the commercial shooting! You f—ked up your promotional trips… Because you became a risk to the studios, they stopped f—king with you.”

Then there’s Michael Blackson, who’s hiding behind door No. 3. “Call your writers because when I’m done with you, I’m going to commit suicide by jumping off the curb…” he once said on Instagram.

This echoed what Epps and comic Aries Spears said about Hart’s success being due to his team of writers, who included Harry Ratchford and Joey Wells.

We’d expect any humor from the trio to be a cut above the predictability of a Kevin Hart mainstay after those scathing statements about his career.

 

Unfortunately, “The House Next Door: Meet the Blacks 2” is so awful that one has to wonder if the comedians’ criticisms of Hart are merely wrath directed inwards by the Hara-Kiri drive of the film. After the events of The PurgespoofMeet the Blacks in 2016, this sequel follows Carl Black (Epps) and his family.

 

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Yes, Black is an author in the same way that Steven Seagal is an actor; he is a non-author who has been published. His debut book, which he can barely hold two words together, fails to hit the target even worse than Seagal’s ponytail fails to pony up his street cred as a trendy person.

Snoop Dogg portrays himself, comically describing Carl’s book as “awful” on national television, saying that it “certainly ain’t nothing but a “G thang,” with the “G” being for Grrr…since this Dogg was not pleased with such literary muzak.

Carl’s marriage is also in peril, as his blonde-haired wife Lorena (Zulay Henao) is tired of carrying the household strain as Carl struggles to enunciate the words “Barnes & Noble.”

Carl notices some strange-looking people moving into the house next door as she sighs loudly. Epps realizes that vampires are his new neighbors, along with his Kevin Hart-like short and boisterous cousin Cronut (Lil Duval).

These vampires are led by Dr. Mamuwalde (Katt Williams), a centuries-old bloodsucker with the blonde desire of stealing Carl’s wife.

Carl’s daughter Pepper (Shamea Morton), who spends much of his time walking into household items and demanding head from Pepper, adds salt to Carl’s raw wounds by telling him she’s eloping with her crippled lover Freezee (Andrew Bachelor). Clive, the cuckolded wheelchair-bound sex crazy, is played by Gary Owen.

Owen, who appeared in both Think Like A Man films, also pokes fun at the Kevin Hart films, contrasting Carl’s non-existent writing career to their enjoyment.

Meanwhile, Carl Jr. (Alex Henderson) appears as a background character with a long appearance. The “bawse” Rick Ross, who is Mr. Saturday Night, and Danny Trejo, who appears as someone who confused the set of this film for the set of another film, both have small roles.

As Mr. Wooky, Michael Blackson is more over-the-top than amusing; he has the kind of dialogue that strangles a conversation. “The House Next Door: Meet the Blacks 2” ends with eye-rolls rather than drumrolls at the end of this 90-minute disaster.

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