Quotes and Messages

45 Funny Thanksgiving Quotes to Keep the Family Laughing

If you're looking for some sentimental inspiration, look no further than our collection of gratitude quotes, which will remind everyone of the actual spirit of the day.

Thanksgiving Day is the best time to have a witty quotation or joke in your back pocket. Sure, immediately before the turkey is carved, we’ll all walk around the table and express our gratitude for one another, but we all know that when there’s a lot of family in one place, tensions can arise. That’s why we’ve compiled a list of hilarious Thanksgiving quotations to keep everyone amused all the way to dessert.

These hilarious Happy Thanksgiving lines from your favorite celebrities, comedians, and movies will totally put a smile on someone’s face who needs it. Some of them are about relatives, while others are about food — regardless of which you want to repeat, these hilarious Happy Thanksgiving lines from your favorite celebrities, comedians, and movies will totally put a smile on someone’s face who needs it. Furthermore, these statements would be ideal for a Thanksgiving Instagram caption, especially if you’re posting photos of your side dishes, fancy cocktails, and fun activities.

funny thanksgiving quotes

“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”

2Charlie Brown
funny thanksgiving quotes

“I can’t cook a Thanksgiving dinner. All I can make is cold cereal and maybe toast.”

3Nora Ephron
funny thanksgiving quotes

“The turkey. The sweet potatoes. The stuffing. The pumpkin pie. Is there anything else we can agree so vehemently about? I don’t think so.”

4P.J. O’Rourke
funny thanksgiving quotes

“Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.”

5Jimmy Fallon
funny quote about thanksgiving by jimmy fallon

“A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear them consider saying ‘that smells good’ to be helping.”

6Jim Gaffigan
funny quote about thanksgiving from jim gaffigan

“The Thanksgiving tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that everyday!’ ‘Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us.’ ”

7Andy Borowitz
Andy Borowitz Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

“For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag.”

8Melanie White
Melanie White Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

“Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.”

9Anonymous
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes Poem

“May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey be plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!”

10Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

“If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, ‘Man, just be yourself.'”

11John Lyon
John Lyon Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

“Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line.”

12Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes How I Met Your Mother

“The Thankstini: A fun and delicious new novelty drink I invented. Cranberry juice, potato vodka, and a bouillon cube. Tastes just like a turkey dinner.”

13Anonymous
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes We May Not Have it All Together

“We may not have it all together, but together, we have it all.”

14Friends
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes Friends

“It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring.”

15Lindsey Bareham
Mashed Potato Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

“Good mashed potato is one of the great luxuries of life.”

16Lorelai Gilmore, Gilmore Girls
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes Gilmore Girls

“It’s not too much food. This is what we’ve been training for our whole lives. This is our destiny, this is our finest hour.”

17Ina Garten
thanksgiving quotes

“If you think about a Thanksgiving dinner, it’s really like making a large chicken.”

18Eric Samuel Timm, “Static Jedi: The Art of Hearing God Through the Noise”
thanksgiving quotes

“Overeating at Thanksgiving is a case in point. It’s a national tradition.”

19Ambrose Bierce
thanksgiving quotes

“Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries, has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.”

20Mike Connolly
thanksgiving quotes

“Coexistence: What the farmer does with the turkey—until Thanksgiving.”

21Tom Swyers
thanksgiving quotes

“Real ballplayers pass the stuffing by rolling it up in a ball and batting it across the table with a turkey leg.”

22Kin Hubbard
thanksgiving quotes

“A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.”

23Robert Brault
thanksgiving quotes

“I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it.”

24Irv Kupcinet
thanksgiving quotes

“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.”

25Damien Fahey
thanksgiving quotes

“I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family.”

26Michael Dresser
thanksgiving quotes

“Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.”

27Charlie Brown
funny thanksgiving quotes charlie brown

“I can’t cook a Thanksgiving dinner. All I can make is cold cereal and maybe toast.”

28Craig Ferguson
funny thanksgiving quotes craig ferguson

“I like football. I find it’s an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.”

29Erma Bombeck
funny thanksgiving quotes erma bombeck

“Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.”

30Jim Davis
funny thanksgiving quotes jim davis

“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.”

31Nicole Hollander
funny thanksgiving quotes nicole hollander

“Cooking tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out.”

32Kevin James
funny thanksgiving quotes kevin james

“Thanksgiving Day, man—not a good day to be my pants.”

33Damien Fahey
funny thanksgiving quotes damien fahey

“I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family.”

34Erma Bombeck
funny thanksgiving quotes erma bombeck

“What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?”

35Laurie Halse Anderson
funny thanksgiving quotes laurie halse anderson

“Pie makes everybody happy.”

36Unknown
funny thanksgiving quotes

“Thanksgiving: Bringing out the best in family dysfunction since 1863.”

37Johnny Carson
funny thanksgiving quotes johnny carson

“Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.”

38Jay Leno
funny thanksgiving quotes jay leno

“You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.”

39Melanie White
funny thanksgiving quotes melanie white

“Thanksgiving—when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook.”

40Oscar Wilde
funny thanksgiving quotes oscar wilde

“After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.”

41Howie Mandel
funny thanksgiving quotes howie mandel

“I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food.”

42Erma Bombeck
funny thanksgiving quotes erma bombeck

“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”

43Unknown
funny thanksgiving quotes 

“Thanksgiving is a lot like Christmas, except you don’t get any presents for holding in your familial rage.”

44Julia Child
funny thanksgiving quotes julia child

“People who love to eat are always the best people.”

45Unknown
funny thanksgiving quotes

“There’s always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it’s just not being a turkey.”

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